Yet another example of why I rule.

I just wanted to toot my own horn today. I just finished this super-cool flash video player for the company where I work as VP of Technology. The interface includes default content for older flash versions, flash 6 auto-upgrade, specific video optimized for Flash 7 & 8 with the option to use completely different XML playlists for Flash 7 & 8 versions. The pop-up video browser interface is dynamically rendered from the playlist information using custom jpg thumbnails specified in the playlist xml. The thumbnail menu has schweet dynamic sliding behavior which is logarithmically self-padded depending on the distance it needs to scroll from end to end, making it easy to use in the way an apple OSX menu is easy to use. In other words, aesthetically pleasing, if less than efficient. The playlist XML files also allow you to specify a separate text .swf file corresponding to each video which is played as a teaser underneath the video window. When no video is playing, the teasers loop in a repeating cycle as they highlight the corresponding video thumbnails in the menu above. The cycle pauses if the user watches a video and then resumes when the video is over. I'm quite proud of this little puppy. Please check it out.

You people are all a bunch of fucking monkeys.

Yeah, I said it, YOU people. According to a recent Washington Post article, it seems that proto-humans were fucking monkeys until fairly recently in our evolution and modern people actually descended from some kind of hybrid between monkeys and proto-humans. Stupid, stupid, monkey fuckers. We could have been a great species, but you just had to fuck the monkeys!

A Plea to the Cocksucking Browser Makers

This is a plea to the programmers of the two major web browsers. I'm talking about Microsoft Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox. I have been designing web applications for over 10 years now, and just when I thought the hellscape of browser layout inconsistency was finally disappearing from an otherwise fun occupation, CSS layout strikes and we are all fucking fucked again. I fucking despise you people who come up with this buggy shit! But I digress. This is, after all, a plea, which I can hardly expect a friendly target audience to smile upon if I simply insult the cockuckers right off the bat. My apologies. My plea is a simple one. A humble one, I think, given the thousands and thousands and thousands of hours of life-sucking browser debugging I've done this decade, simply to get some kind of box to fit its contents, or to get a box to extend arbitrarily to any side of the browser window, especially the bottom. I simply can not fucking believe that 15 years into browser development, we still have no good way to scale a box for these simple and universally understood purposes. We KNOW what front-end designers need in a layout engine. Either the standards committees at the WC3, or the standards interpreters who program the browsers themselves, need to deal with this problem tout de suite. If they don't, CSS is fucked for another 5-10 years and I'm leading the fucking revolt against it. It will be relegated to setting font sizes and a handful of other things it doesn't end up making 10 times more complicated and buggy than they should be. If CSS standards don't allow for someone to create a box that knows what size it needs to be to hold its contents, then browser programmers need to start breaking the living shit out of those standards because they are crap. Bullshit is the only word I can find for it. Fucking bullshit is what the current state of CSS is, and after this project is done, I'm sending it away to play by itself and reflect on what an evil, evil, evil little motherfucker it is because it's parents didn't raise it right and now it's rotting in browser prison while tables are out on probation. Fuck csszengarden.com (they seem like nice folks, but fuck 'em anyway) and all the other standards-hugging, beta-tester wannabes out there who thrill when they finally get a 3-column layout to work in CSS after 3 months of research. Fucking pathetic. I'm trying to get shit done and I want a browser standard that can lay out a page without the combined efforts of 10,000 pseudo-programmers exchanging messages on one of the 50,000 CSS help forums. Is that so fucking selfish of me? I welcome your comments.