Fucking cell phones!

So, I've forsaken the big cell phone providers for a couple of years now in favor of a Virgin Wireless pay-as-you go plan. I'm just against all these shit contracts on principle, and rarely use a cell phone because quite frankly they ALL suck beyond my ability to come up with nasty superlatives. There is no such thing as a good cell phone, regardless of how many features they cram into one because the underlying functionality of cell phones is still total shit no matter where you live. Nobody likes talking on a cell phone. Nobody. Not even the dipshits that were dumb enough to buy a 1st generation iPhone. But I digress.

The only thing I'm here to complain about today is the fact that I can't disable the fucking voicemail on my Virgin Wireless account. I've got a great VOIP line from Vonage that I'm quite happy with, and they have this great "Simultaneous Ring" feature, but it won't work with my Virgin Wireless service. Why? Because when I turn off my cell phone, all calls are picked up by Virgin Wireless and sent directly to voicemail. You cannot disable this. You can call Virgin and have them turn off your voicemail, but then all calls are still picked up by a recording that tells callers there is no mailbox for that number. Is it really too much to ask that when I turn my cell phone off it just do NOTHING!? Can I just have a fucking device that you can actually turn off with the expectation that it is really the fuck OFF! Jesus fucking ass-christ. I just emailed Virgin about this since I refuse to listen to their insulting fucking "urban" automated call center operator. I don't really feel like calling an automated call center to have some bullshit hip-hop-esque slang thrown at me on top of having to listen to 15 options I don't give a fuck about. So I emailed them and hopefully I will one day be able to turn off my cell phone and expect that all callers won't automatically be transferred to my voicemail. Strike one against Virgin. Not bad for 2 years of service. I still love my Nokia Shorty too, but had to switch to a "Super Slice" because it was the only model of Virgin phone that could use a bluetooth headset, and since I just paid waaaaaay too much for my "Jawbone" headset for use with Skype, I figure I better be able to use it with my cell phone too. Of course the "Super Slice" is a piece of shit compared to the Shorty...the battery life is pathetic and it's just a cheap piece of easily breakable crap, but at least it had bluetooth. I'm sure I'll be switching back to my Shorty when it breaks.

My new favorite person

Okay, I fucking despise Christians and religious people in general, but I'm going to have to make an exception for this brave old lady. Apparently, an irrational belief in a higher power can sometimes give you the courage to go out and do something so wonderfully stupid and heroic that it inspires and shames the rest of us spineless aetheists who normally would be laughing at your mental inferiority. Congrats Hammer Lady, you're my new favorite person. In your honor, I will have to say a little prayer for comcast today.

Something to smile about

I was just talking to my girlfriend the other day about something that apparently reminded me of Bill Cosby. For years, I've occsionally thrown the phrase "I hobope that you are satifibed" into my conversations, as a reference to a Bill Cosby routine I heard many years ago as a 10-13 year old...sometime around 1980-83. I used to love any kind of comedy I could get my hands on and I had a couple of LP records by Bill Cosby and there was a routine about a visit to the dentist that had the line "I hobope that you are satisfibed" in it, and it stuck with me ever since. Years went by, I lost the albums and mostly forgot about the rest of that Bill Cosby comedy routine, but the other day I threw it into conversation and my girlfriend questioned me and and I couldn't really explain why I used the phrase or why it should be funny. I couldn't even remember what the routine was about or the context of the line, all I remebered at this ripe old age of 37, was that it was Bill Cosby's line. Well a few minutes ago, on a lark, I decided to try and find it online, and would you fucking believe that if you google

bill cosby "I hope that you are satisfied"

it pulls up a single search result which is a link to the complete routine. If you've never heard it before, it's a classic that you shouldn't miss. Many other comedians have stolen this routine. I can't think of any of them off the top of my head, but I know I've heard other versions of this by other comedians over the years. Everyone's got a dentist joke I guess. Anyway, you can check out : http://worldwordweb.com/listening/billcosbythedentist.mp3