Attention Clueless NASA Engineers

I have no engineering degree, no higher math education of any kind really. But I've got a shitload of common sense and I'm great at doing mental simulations as I've discussed previously in my blurb on daydreams. I am now going to use my superior intellect for the benefit of all mankind and solve a little problem that the fine folks at NASA are apparently too smart to figure out.

When the space shuttle Columbia crashed (the second shuttle disaster) there was a flurry of speculation on what caused it, despite the fact that there was video from the very start that showed a large piece of insulating foam breaking off the external fuel tanks and impacting the leading edge of the shuttle's wing. As soon as I saw that I said, "well, obviously the foam was the cause". I have at least two witnesses to this proclamation. Meanwhile, many "experts" initially dismissed the foam as a potential cause because it "lacked the density" required to cause much damage to the wing. Actually, most of them just said something like "it's not hard enough to do that kind of damage", but they meant it wasn't dense enough. To me it was obvious that a piece of foam traveling at several hundred miles per hour would have no trouble smashing the hell out of the tiles and I called it that way immediately on seeing the footage the day of the disaster. And I was right. It was in fact a piece of insulating foam that ultimately caused the demise of the shuttle Columbia.

Today, about two years after the Columbia disaster, the space shuttle Discovery blasted off and wouldn't you know it, a giant fucking piece of foam broke off and fortunately, missed hitting the shuttle by a good bit. NASA is now saying they don't know why the foam is breaking off, they thought they'd fixed it. The last time this happened, they actually said the foam was designed to break off on purpose. Whatever.

So, to save NASA the additional time and aggravation of actually THINKING about things before coming up with random excuses and solutions, I will now provide some possible reasons for the foam problems. Since I'm such a nice guy, I'll also go ahead and provide the solutions.

Reasons for the Foam Problem:

The foam is breaking off the external tanks for two reasons. Obviously, the adhesive used to attach the foam to the surface of the tanks is failing. This is most likely due to condensation on the tanks which I am speculating are very cold prior to launch since they are filled with liquid hydrogen and oxygen. Condensation under the foam would mean that your foam and adhesive is either porous enough to let humid Florida air pass through it to the underlying surface, or the expansion and contraction of the underlying tanks is greater than the adhesive and foam can handle. Perhaps the foam is not expanding or contracting enough and is tearing. This is causing failures in the adhesion, most likely at seams between sections of foam. Air is getting forced into the seams and undermining the already weakened or failed adhesion. If the adhesive is brittle from being cooled by the fuel tanks, this can probably happen very easily. There is also the chance that the adhesive has nothing to do with it, and the foam itself is not structurally sound enough to take the air pressure during high speed flight. Regardless of whether it is the adhesive or foam or both things failing at once, the solutions are the same.

Solutions to the Foam Problem:

To solve this problem you have two alternatives. You can either reengineer your adhesive and and/or foam to correct these failures OR you could simply pre-cut the foam insulation into 1-3cm squares and glue them on individually. This way when foam rips off, it will not come off in giant pieces that will bash the shit out of your lovely spacecraft. You might even be able to get away with just scoring the foam without completely cutting it. This will make it easier to attach. Capiche?

Plea for Money:

Now, if you use this idea, I'm going to need about $100,000. After all, the freelance spacecraft repair business is very unpredictable and I don't have a PhD or anything to fall back on like all you NASA folks.

That is all.